Lack of Sleep

I love to sleep, but I don't get very much of it.  This is usually my own fault because I usually cannot fall asleep before 1am but feel guilty if I sleep any time past 12pm.   This is mostly due to more fun things I can be doing, like watching movies or eating. 

But the worst thing in the world is when I am tired and laying in bed and for some reason or another, I just cannot fall asleep.  I guess some would call this insomnia.  It happens to me very infrequently.  I am usually a champion sleeper, but last night I had the strangest fear induced insomnia.  It was like being a little kid all over again.  As soon as I turned out the lights I got all scared. Every terrible horror movie and terrifying scenario started to play itself in my head on a loop.  The comment that Adam made the other day about my ceiling having finger print marks and a weird red smear filled my imagination with images of ghosts and spirits throwing innocent people all over the room Freddy Krueger style.  Those Law and Order: SVU episodes where women are found battered and raped after having their apartments broken into play back.  That synthetic weave I found in the alley next to my house hinted at a buried dead body resurfacing.  I have a morbid imagination.  Every little itch I had or silence I heard was a ghost touching/creeping up on me.  I couldn't shut my mind off.  It was so infuriating because all I wanted to do was sleep but all I could do was think. 

It may have had something to do with the chocolate milk and oreos I ate at 10pm.  Or the caffienated beverages I had consumed earlier in the day.  Maybe my diet is to blame for my nightmarish insomnia.  All I know is, it needs to stop.  I hate being scared.  The number one memory I have from being a kid is just being terrified all the time.  My parents rarely censored me from scary movies, and I loved the thrill of being scared when I watched them, but when it came to turn the lights off at night, I was a nervous wreck.  For almost 10 years I refused to sleep in a room by myself, sometimes even a bed myself. 

I need to learn to sleep in a room by myself and not be terrified.