A friend of mine died this week. It's been a very sad last few days. To me, it doesn't really matter how well you know a person to feel sad about things like this. What matters is that you knew the person at all. I got to know him over the last few years. Talk to him, share experiences w/ him, laugh, argue, share mutual friendships etc. earlier this week I went to his funeral and I was truly moved by how many people were there and how much physical love I could feel coming from everyone. Just like they say about tension, I could cut the love in the room w/ a knife. The sadness was there, but it was far outweighed by the love. There was such unity and it's a shame that these beautiful feelings were brought about by such tragic circumstances.
I don't like it, but I feel that reflecting on yourself is an inevitable part of death. You can't help but make the situation not just about how a person you know died. You ask questions like: How does this death affect ME? Or how could I have made things better? Or why not ME?
Why do we make it so personal when it's so obviously not? No one as young as him should die. I don't really believe in fate or things happening for a reason. What happened, happened. Though I wish it never did.
I'm still trying to make sense of everything. I've been talking to a lot of friends about it. I guess there will eventually be a time when I wake up and don't immediately think about it. Eventually everyone moves on. But that's part of what makes it so sad.