Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Lack of Sleep

I love to sleep, but I don't get very much of it.  This is usually my own fault because I usually cannot fall asleep before 1am but feel guilty if I sleep any time past 12pm.   This is mostly due to more fun things I can be doing, like watching movies or eating. 

But the worst thing in the world is when I am tired and laying in bed and for some reason or another, I just cannot fall asleep.  I guess some would call this insomnia.  It happens to me very infrequently.  I am usually a champion sleeper, but last night I had the strangest fear induced insomnia.  It was like being a little kid all over again.  As soon as I turned out the lights I got all scared. Every terrible horror movie and terrifying scenario started to play itself in my head on a loop.  The comment that Adam made the other day about my ceiling having finger print marks and a weird red smear filled my imagination with images of ghosts and spirits throwing innocent people all over the room Freddy Krueger style.  Those Law and Order: SVU episodes where women are found battered and raped after having their apartments broken into play back.  That synthetic weave I found in the alley next to my house hinted at a buried dead body resurfacing.  I have a morbid imagination.  Every little itch I had or silence I heard was a ghost touching/creeping up on me.  I couldn't shut my mind off.  It was so infuriating because all I wanted to do was sleep but all I could do was think. 

It may have had something to do with the chocolate milk and oreos I ate at 10pm.  Or the caffienated beverages I had consumed earlier in the day.  Maybe my diet is to blame for my nightmarish insomnia.  All I know is, it needs to stop.  I hate being scared.  The number one memory I have from being a kid is just being terrified all the time.  My parents rarely censored me from scary movies, and I loved the thrill of being scared when I watched them, but when it came to turn the lights off at night, I was a nervous wreck.  For almost 10 years I refused to sleep in a room by myself, sometimes even a bed myself. 

I need to learn to sleep in a room by myself and not be terrified.

Monday, March 28, 2011


Two of my best friends from home visited this weekend in honor of Mercedes' 21st bday (my 21st bday is in 21 days!!!!!).  It was so mch fun. 

I love those girls.  We just ate ridiculous food and laughed about ridiculoud things.  It's so easy to be around them and I always forget how much I miss them until I see them.  This summer I will be living in Philly and I am really excited about that, but I am also sad about not being able to see them all the time.  Hopefully I'll have a job and I can visit them a lot or they can visit me.

Dream Journal Entry#2

Had a weird dream that I went back to London to visit and eat a weird potato sausage dish at a cafe with my family...but, I also had a baby?  And the baby's name was Diana (Princess + London???) and for some reason this random guy with curly blonde hair decided he wanted to use me as a bomb so he built a bomb into the skin in my back and it kind of looked like Iron Man's reactor arc thing and I couldn't touch it or move fast or it would go off and no one would take my baby and he wanted me to blow up some mall in the US where I worked in the Victoria's Secret, but I tried to save lives by going to some field and then it was really sad because I kept trying to call my family to tell them I loved them but my phone wouldn't dial the numbers correctly and then my mom's ex-bf called me and I remembered he was really good at technology so I asked him to come get me and diffuse the bomb and my dad and Quinn showed up and we had to steal a car.  Meanwhile, baby Princess Diana was in a paper bag with blankets, much like a wallaby, the whole time and it was really freaky.  In the end, they somehow remove the bomb, but I had a big chunk of flesh that was taken out of my back.  Gross. 

I don't even have an analysis for this.

Bad at Blogging

I've been so bad at blogging lately.  At first it was because I was uninspired but now that I actually have things to write about I feel lazy and also like I want to give my blog a makeover, but the template designer isn't really working for me right now.  In the mean time, I am going to try and blog a bit more now.