Thursday, August 6, 2009


Zombies are terrifying. There is just something about the concept of dead people coming back to life that is particularly disturbing. Especially if these people can run really fast and have the desire to eat you alive. I have found that I spend an awful lot of my time contemplating zombies and possible zombie attacks at times when I really shouldn't. For instance, the first time I took the SATs I completely screwed up on one of the math sections because I spent a good chunk of my time daydreaming about zombies running through the classroom I was in and attacking my fellow test takers. In fact, whenever I am in a particularly unpleasant situation I find myself hoping that there will be a zombie attack and then I try to figure out what my best plan for survival would be. And that's the great thing about zombie daydreams, you get to really think about all the stuff you wouldn't normally think about because of how disturbing or weird it is. But by thinking about it, you learn a lot about yourself. You start to ask questions, such as:
1) If a zombie were to enter the room right now, would you fight it or hide from it?
2) If the zombie was a family member or friend, what would you do?
3) If multiple zombies were to enter a room at once, how would you escape?
4) Where would you hide out if there was a zombie attack?
5) Would you attempt to help other people if they were being attacked?
6) How would you even begin killing a zombie?

Zombies are just a very interesting subject matter. And from all the zombie movies I have ever seen, I have developed some answers to these questions that normally plague me at inopportune moments.
1) If a SINGLE zombie were to enter the room and I didn't have a weapon on me, I would most likely hide. However, if I had a knife or a gun you better believe I would kick that zombie's ass. Granted there are 2 kinds of zombies, the slow kinds and the fast kinds. The slow ones are easier to deal with because they are kind of stupid and you have the advantage of speed. But the fast ones are generally more aggressive and they can definitely be a problem.
2) If a zombie was a family member or a friend, I would be genuinely sad. I know they would no longer be the same person they once were, but I don't think I would be able to kill them. I would probably try to lock them in a closet or push them down a hill or get someone else to kill them for me.
3) If multiple zombies were to enter a room at once like in a big rush, I would most likely escape through a window or air vent. Escape would be of the utmost importance as opposed to hiding, because once you're hidden you are actually at a disadvantage if you ever want to escape.
4) If there was a massive zombie attack within an entire town or community, I would most likely barricade myself in a building (preferably a grocery store or ammunition shop) and then hide out on the roof. The roof provides one with good viewing capabilities.
5) I would definitely try to help people if they were being attacked. It is better to be in a group than by yourself, and that's just the person I (like to think I) am.
6) To a kill a zombie you must remove the head or destroy the brain.

And zombie movies are particularly hilarious, even when they aren't supposed to be. Some of my favorite zombie movies are:
-Dawn of the Dead
-Day of the Dead
-28 Days Later
-Resident Evil
-Shaun of the Dead
-Land of the Dead
-Planet Terror
-Night of the Living Dead

Basically, I really like zombie movies and survival situations and I'm SUPER bored at work.


jumpseat monalisa said...

the number one reason i want to learn to drive stick is in case of a zombie attack. i need to be able to get into the first available car and just drive, regardless of whether or not it's automatic. i can't afford to be choosy. also: the visual of you pushing a slow zombie down a hill is hilarious.

Liz said...

I feel like I could possibly survive a zombie attack. Like, it would be plausible. Raptors are what I worry about. Like, what the fuck do you do with a velociraptor? Die, that's what you do. You die. The raptor scenes of the Jurassic Park movies make me pee.