Monday, August 23, 2010

Constructive Criticism

Okay so I'm about to vent about something here that is really bothering me.  Today at dinner I ate A LOT of steak.  But I was hungry and had skipped lunch and we had made steak and I was craving it and it just tasted really good.  So at dinner my stepdad says, "Can I just say something?  I don't want you to take it the wrong way.  I just want to offer you some constructive criticism....I think you need to lose some weight around your waist."

I was actually a little shocked about that statement.  Really?  I mean I played it off like it was no big deal but that comment really really bothered me.  But no one has ever flat out told me I needed to lose weight.  On the contrary, people often tell me that I'm very little (albeit not skinny).  So we changed the subject.  BUT then when I stood up to clear plates, my step-dad points at my stomach and says to my mom, "do you see what I mean?"  And my mom nods her head yes.  THANKS A LOT MOM!  The one thing about my mom though that I have noticed over the years is that she tends to take the side of whatever man is in her life at that time.  When she was dating David Buck (relationship was from 2000-2004), she agreed with him that Bush was doing an okay job as President and that it was okay to go hunting for sport (something she denies she ever said).  Now that she is with my step-dad she agrees with him on all things politics etc. and she rarely ever disagrees.  Great, mom.

My stepdad is a health freak though, so I guess he would notice something like that.  My mom is also always telling me I should eat healthier but then she goes and buys me chocolate cakes and Nutella when I don't ask her too!  If it's there, I'm going to eat it!  If all we had in the house was fruit/yogurt/nuts I would eat that instead!  When I told her that though she said, "I just want you to be happy!"  Well thanks mom!  I want to be happy too and telling your daughter that she's fat is not the way to make me happy!

In this one case though, my mom defended me and said that I haven't been as active this summer and that when you go on the pill you automatically gain 5lbs. so it should be no big deal.  She also joked around that I might be pregnant and that she isn't ready to be a grandma yet.  HA. HA. HA.  THAT'S SO FUNNY.  But I'm sorry, that was just a really weird and rude thing for my step-dad to say.  I don't feel like I've gained weight.  In fact, I just weighed myself and I weigh just about the same as I have for the last few months.  Yesterday, I even looked at myself in the mirror while trying on bathing suits and even felt good about the way my body looked.  Now I'm doubting myself and I'm really angry.

I mean really?!  You wonder why so many girls my age have eating disorders?!  It's because of comments like that.  And that comment didn't even make me want to stop eating my delicious steak, it just made me want to stick it to my step-dad even more.  So I ate another piece.  Fuck you.  Today I was even watching this really crazy show called Dana: The 8 Year Old Anorexic and I kept wondering "how does anyone develop such a hatred for food?"  Well I guess NOW I KNOW.  Except, I have the exact opposite of anorexia.  I love food.  I love anything that tastes good and I don't want to waste good food that is there.  And sometimes when I'm with friends, I'll eat even more.  BUT I SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TO JUSTIFY IT!?  My weight shouldn't be an issue unless I'm morbidly obese. 

I'm just extremely extremely angry by that comment.  It came out of nowhere and I don't agree with it.  But at the same time I feel like I'm under all this pressure now.  I feel slightly better after locking myself in the bathroom and secretly crying for a few minutes (damn you BC and your emotional side effects!) but I am still not over that comment.  I don't think I will be for a while.  I hope that by the time I come back from London I've gained 300lbs. just to piss them all off.  Fuck off family.  I'll see you in December.


Liz said...

Oh, man, I'm sorry Keiran. This sounds super cliché... but you're not fat! It's disturbing that our culture is so obsessed with identifying fat (a necessary substance for activities like say, living) and pointing it out with the intent of eradicating it. Like, the "bump patrol" shit in magazines disturbs the hell out of me. Sometimes women eat meals! I don't want to suck in all the time! Anyway, know that you're definitely not alone in feeling pressure as well as ANGER that our culture is this way... Bleaugh! I'm going to go eat a huge meal now and I am sure that my Ecuadorian mama will tell me to eat more and more ("Coma! Coma! Coma!") .

jumpseat monalisa said...

whoa! not cool! no bueno! homie deserves to be slapped across the face with a steak. any comment that starts with 'don't take this the wrong way' is probably something you shouldn't be saying. that's wayyyyyyy out of line. youse a hottie baby k. don't listen to that suckah. he probably just wanted your steak.

James said...

you are absolutely beautiful just the way you are.

Corrie said...

i call bullshit! he should not be tearing you down ever, but especially when it's not true. my dad has definitely made comments before and it's so much worse when it's from people who are supposed to be in your life to make you feel better...but you're beautiful keiran! i'm sorry that he made those comments, don't let them get you down!

Jen (and Audrey, too!) said...

Hahah I agree with Caitlin! Giving him a good old steak slap should put him in his place.

Anyway, you are far from overweight. Regardless it's just not something you say, especially at a time you may be more sensitive or stressed than usual--I mean you ARE getting ready to go to a different continent for a little while, no biggie!

Oh, and funny prego-joke MOM haha. Don't pull a Jen and find out you're having a baby a few days before going to school. It's not THAT cool.